Regarding adab

More questions: "Shaykh Nazim, how should I handle my children?"

"With children, you must deal with them like children."

"But I have no experience in that matter. I don't know..."

"With a big man, like a big man. With little boys, like little boys. With a learned man, like a learned man. With a common man, like himself. With each man on his level."

"How do I know when I'm on their level?"

"You must put yourself in their position. You must think, 'If I were that man, how would I act?' Even a judge, when he is going to judge a case, must put himself in the position of the defendant before he makes his decision, or he will be wrong. Understand?

"Allah Almighty is the Judge of Judges," The Shaykh continued. "On the Day of Resurrection, He will show everyone all his actions, from the course of his life, and will leave judgment to that servant, to judge for himself. 'What is your judgment for that person whose life passed as you see it now?' He will say. Then, that servant will judge for himself. It is the spirit, the essence of judgment. If a man can judge for himself, it is exact justice. Therefore, when you're judging for someone in your life, you must put yourself, in his position, in his conditions. Then, you will speak for him, for her, for children, for older man, for everyone. Clear?"

"Yes, The thing that I get anxious about is whether I'm being too hard, or not hard enough."

"For whom?" asked the Shaykh.

"For the children," replied the murid.

Shaykh Nazim said, "The best thing for them is to be between fear and hope. Sometimes you must make them fear you, and sometimes they must have hope from you. Not always hard, and not always soft. You must use this side and that side, understand? Prophets, and our Prophet (peace be upon him), have been ordered by their Lord to sometimes give good tidings, and to sometimes give warnings."

To this, the murid said, "I don't know, yet, how I would do such a thing."

Shaykh Nazim said, "When you are back home, your inspirations will guide you. Don't be worried about that point."

Another disciple said, "About the dhikr that we do; fifteen hundred 'Allah' at night, 'la illaha illAllah,' and the wird; is there anything else we should say?"

The Shaykh answered, "Enough. You may also say Salawat."

A murid asked Shaykh Nazim a question about his family difficulties, and the Shaykh responded, "You have been guided. Wherever you may be there is guidance directing you. Don't be worried."

"When we are eating meat, how can we know if it is Halal?" a murid asked.

"When I first met our Grandshaykh, " Shaykh Nazim replied," I was also very strict, very particular, about my food. But he told me, 'It is not good manners to be like that. When you are a guest, you must not ask, 'Is this food clean?' No! You must give your host the benefit of the doubt. When you know that the food is pork, don't eat it, but say instead, 'I am a vegetarian,' or something like this. You must have good manners toward everybody. If you are in doubt as to whether meat (assuming that it is not pork) is halal or not, you may say, three times, 'shahada,' and, seventy times, 'astaghfirullah. ' Then, as you eat, and you say, 'Bismillah,' Allah Almighty will make that food clean for you, in the time it takes for you to raise it from your plate and put it in your mouth!

"When you are buying meat and you think that it has come in contact with pork, or utensils that have been used to handle and prepare pork, you may wash it, and repeat the formula we just said. If you can obtain Halal (or Kosher) meat, of course it is best. But, when you are somebody's guest, don't ask! Even if it is known to you that they usually cook with lard, you must assume that, this time, for you, they cleaned their pots and pans and didn't use it. Only if you are certain that pork or pork products were used may you refrain from eating."

"Shaykh Nazim?" asked another brother. "My parents are very upset with my becoming Muslim. 'If you are looking for spiritual teachings,' they say, 'why can't you find them within your own religion?' My question is, are there teachers like you within other religions?"

"Once," said Maulana, "I was walking in the marketplace with our Grandshaykh, when a Christian priest came up to him and kissed Grandshaykh' s hand. Then, he gave salaams and went on his way quickly.

"Seeing my surprise, our Grandshaykh turned to me and said, "There are others like him, Nazim Effendi, who wait secretly for Mahdi (peace be upon him) to come. They are hidden. The Time is not yet come for them to be known!'

"Therefore, we are saying that for a teacher to give authentic spiritual teachings, he must know the reality of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

"Among the shaykhs and teachers, there are so many levels. They are like helicopters, jets, and rockets. Each flies at his level. It is not important for us to worry about so many levels. It is most important for us to conquer our nafs. That is the critical thing."

They Shaykh continued, "We must respect all men in their religion, for no one can know what is the relationship between a man and his Lord.

"Once a great Wali was traveling on his way when he came across a shepherd who was bowed down in prayer. The Wali looked at the man's clothing, in which he had been working all day, and became annoyed.

"How can you pray like that?' he said to the shepherd. 'Your clothes are dirty, and you smell like your sheep! Don't you know that you must pray in clean clothes?'

"The shepherd remained quiet for a minute, and then looked up, startled. 'O, Shaykh, forgive me!' he said. 'I do not hear what you said. I was tending my sheep when my Lord ordered me into sajdah, and just now He was speaking to me. Is there something I may help you with?'

"When that Wali heard this, he became ashamed. 'O, my Lord, forgive me for judging Your servant!' he cried, and threw himself immediately into sajdah."

Illahi Anta maqsudi, wa ridhaKa mathlubi

You are my goal and Your Pleasure is my desire